Several years ago I found myself in a deep, dark place on my homeschool journey
.
My then six-year-old son was D-O-N-E with school. This child–my oldest child–fussed, argued, cried and just downright fought every attempt I made to “teach” him.
Even fantastic curriculums (and this overzealous, perfectionist mom) couldn’t get this boy to do anything that looked or smelled like “school.”
Confused (“Why wasn’t this homeschool thing working?!”) and desperate for answers, I spoke of my woes to a homeschool mom of seven (who had obviously been doing this much longer than me).
Her advice? Back off. Back way, way off.
“The most important thing is to not crush his love of learning and knowledge,” she told me. “The information will come. Just enjoy being with him. Read to him. Let him explore. It will happen… I promise!”
Those were incredibly hard words to hear. Especially since I am a planning-and-organized-kind-of-gal who believes that hard work plus a good plan equals the desired result.
But, oh, as I was learning, homeschooling simply isn’t an “A plus B equals C” type-of deal. And I saw that much of the issues we were experiencing were because I was forcing him to fit into this pre-conceived mold that was, in my mind, the one and only way to “do” school.
No my son was not perfect, but I was a big part of the problem.
These hard lessons in the early homeschooling years have dramatically shaped the way we homeschool now. And honestly, the lessons I learned then created in me several heart-shifts that I now attribute as the keys to successfully educating my kids (especially the oldest one, whom we later discovered deals with Asperger’s and ADHD).
Are you in a similar situation with a child right now? Is homeschooling a huge fight? Does your child refuse to do school work?
Friend, can I share 10 strategies that helped us when we get stuck? Because trust me, we all go through this from time to time.
10 Suggestions for When A Child Refuses School
1) Listen to God (regularly) about how He wants you to homeschool.
I don’t know how to say this without sounding cliche, but hands down, my constant conversation with God about homeschooling is what keeps us centered and focused. He is the one who guides me through the little daily issues; and who tells me when things need to completely change. He created and knows me (and my kids), and therefore I completely trust Him to guide us.
2) Get to the root issue.
Why is the child refusing to do school (or perhaps completing assignments with an angry, resentful heart)? Is it how the information is presented? Is it the topic itself? Realistically speaking, is the task too difficult for their age/stage? Are there deeper character issues that they need to work through? Is your overall lifestyle too demanding and busy? Are there learning/developmental issues going on? All of these are valid and real reasons (and there may be more). See if the child can help you identify the root of his negative feelings toward school, and then pray for God to show you a clear picture of what’s really happening.
3) Realize that there is no “best” way to do things.
Don’t get locked into what someone says is “the best” curriculum or learning method. Listen, there are oodles of ways for kids to learn, and some of those will work and some of those won’t. Let go of the lie that the perfect method or curriculum exists out there and you just need to find it.
4) Don’t be afraid to try something new.
I’ve found that my children’s learning styles (and learning preferences) change as they grow and develop. We have employed many different curriculums and teaching methods over the years. Once we find one that works with a child, we use them until it’s clear that it isn’t working anymore. My husband and I are constantly re-evaluating and praying about the best ways for our kids to learn in this season. This keeps our homeschooling fresh and relevant.
5) Stay attuned to your child’s heart.
What makes them tick? What can they not stop talking about right now? How are they learning about those things? I’m always studying my kids and trying to incorporate what they love with what we’re learning about. Now this can’t always happen (and I think required learning about a necessary, but perhaps least favorite, subject is an important lesson in itself for older kids). But when this kind of natural, child-led learning happens, “school” suddenly becomes easy and natural (and dare I say, fun?).
6) “Back-door” teaching methods are a lifesaver.
There are many, many ways to teach a concept, and board games are a wonderful way to teach a child “through the back door.” Math concepts, counting money, logic, strategy, spelling and vocabulary knowledge (plus character traits like perseverance, patience, humility, and good sportsmanship) are just a few concepts that board games can teach. Here are some of our favorites:
- Card games like the Blink Card Game
and others found in books like Mega-Fun Card-Game Math
and others found in books like 
- Cribbage (teaches quick mental math, along with game strategy)
(teaches quick mental math, along with game strategy)- Matching games like this one
- Connect 4 (Use with memory work, or with quizzing. For example, a child gets to place a colored disk in the slot when they correctly answer a question.)
(Use with memory work, or with quizzing. For example, a child gets to place a colored disk in the slot when they correctly answer a question.)- HedBanz Game (Another great way to review people, characters or concepts. You can simply draw the person or fact on the card and kids have to make guesses about who/what is on their card based on information given by others in the game).
(Another great way to review people, characters or concepts. You can simply draw the person or fact on the card and kids have to make guesses about who/what is on their card based on information given by others in the game).- Scrabble (Of course a fun way to practice spelling and vocabulary.)
(Of course a fun way to practice spelling and vocabulary.)- Bananagrams (Another excellent way to improve spelling and vocab).
(Another excellent way to improve spelling and vocab).- Rory’s Story Cubes (This is story-generating game that encourages creativity and out-of-the-box thinking).
(This is story-generating game that encourages creativity and out-of-the-box thinking).- Apples to Apples Junior (My kids love playing this! I love that they’re learning about adjectives and about how certain concepts relate to one another–often in hilarious ways.)
(My kids love playing this! I love that they’re learning about adjectives and about how certain concepts relate to one another–often in hilarious ways.)- Monopoly (This classic game teaches money, strategy and business making decisions).
(This classic game teaches money, strategy and business making decisions).- The Settlers of Catan (This excellent games teaching logic, strategy and much more!)
(This excellent games teaching logic, strategy and much more!)(share your favorites in the comments!)
7) Don’t take it personally if a child refuses to do school work.
We moms have to give ourselves heaps of grace when homeschooling difficulties arise. Instead of striving for perfection in homeschooling, I see myself as trying to make the best homeschooling choices in the current reality of our time constraints, outside commitments, financial needs. There will be times when I miss the mark. There will also be times when my kids are just going to be onery. And there will be times when despite everyone’s best efforts, it just doesn’t work. We can live the healthiest version of ourselves when we accept that things will always imperfect, and that this imperfection it is not a reflection of our worth as a mom and human being.
8) Learn to be flexible.
Instead of a “we must do this” scheduling type of mentality, I suggest developing a homeschool rhythm that provides freedom within the daily learning structure. Living by a homeschool rhythm instead of a forced static routine also allows grace to freely flow if things start to go sideways.
9) Relationships trump learning everyday.
Listen to your kids if they regularly fight you about school, and get to that root issue so that the relationship is not damaged. Remember my homeschool mom friend with the seven kids I told you about? She told me once that if homeschooling is like a cupcake, then the educational aspect is merely the icing on the cupcake while the family relationships developed are the true heart of the dessert (the cake). I would have to fully agree! We cannot take back these years! And it is difficult to recapture a child’s love of learning once it has been tarnished. If homeschooling is straining the relationship, back off and focus on rebuilding the connections for a while.
10) Trust the process.
Homeschooling is very cyclical and always changing. Hard (and easy) seasons come and go. Expect them. You are doing enough. You are being enough to them. They (and you) will get through this. Ride the waves, and quietly listen to God to show you His plan to navigate through all of the homeschooling waters. Friend, by His power and with His guidance, we can do this!
This post contributed by Alicia from Your Vibrant Family
