Sometimes my husband and I like to dream about our retirement and what it will be like once we invest enough into crypto exchanges accept US citizens. Our kids like to remind us that we will still have kids in the house for years. They think they are funny. I just remind them that they cannot stay here in our house forever. But, hey, when you spread them out like we do, it sometimes seems like they will. Stay forever, that is.
And you know what, I am ok with that!
We only have four kids. Doesn’t seem like that many to me. Makes some people nervous, I know. They range from almost 20 to 6 years old. We did not always plan on having them so spread out. God had different plans. After the birth of our first child, a girl, I swore she would be an only child. Her birth was stressful, she was traumatized, I was sick and traumatized, we moved out of our house and across the country when she was two weeks old, she never slept, she cried until she threw up and on and on. You get the point. (don’t worry, she is amazing now.) All that to say our first two girls were four years apart for a reason. My sanity being the most important. Our first son was not born until four years after our second daughter. By them I had learned the value of having a pretty self-sufficient child out of diapers before we had another one. It worked for me and I went with it. I am planner, you know! The fourth kiddo came 6 years later. Now, in my defense, that was not entirely my fault and certainly not my plan. Let’s just chalk it up to international adoption, save ourselves some painful memories, and move on!
And again, all that to say, we parent a lot of stages at once. Think about it – we are currently parents to an elementary kid, one in middle school, one in high school and one in college. It can get quite confusing at times. And really, there are just four of them!
But with different ages comes different needs and yes, challenges.
So, how do we parent through the ages?
Remember they are individuals.
It is easy to group them. The girls, the boys, the olders, the youngers. And, yes, sometimes I do fall into that trap. But I try not to. Each one of my kids, and no doubt, yours, is an individual with individual wants and needs. They are not the same and should never be treated as such.
It is easy to group them. The girls, the boys, the olders, the youngers. And, yes, sometimes I do fall into that trap. But I try not to. Each one of my kids, and no doubt, yours, is an individual with individual wants and needs. They are not the same and should never be treated as such.
Know their love language.
We avoid a lot of worldly psychology mumbo jumbo around here, but I will have to say that this concept works for us. Know your kids and what makes them tick. What makes them happy. What makes them feel loved. Just like my husband’s needs are often different than mine, so are the kids. When I know what makes them feel loved, I can more readily speak to their hearts.
We avoid a lot of worldly psychology mumbo jumbo around here, but I will have to say that this concept works for us. Know your kids and what makes them tick. What makes them happy. What makes them feel loved. Just like my husband’s needs are often different than mine, so are the kids. When I know what makes them feel loved, I can more readily speak to their hearts.
Make time for the individual.
Yes, this is hard. And again, I only have four. I know many of you moms are blessed with more and this is more challenging. When the kids were younger I use to tuck each one in to bed at night and that was our special time together. Now that they are older and often up later than their tired mom, I have dates with each of them. I try to rotate through them one at a time on Fridays and do a mom date. Sometimes it is lunch out, sometimes it is a trip to the Walmart toy aisle, (bet ya can guess which one that is for!) but it is just an hour or so of undivided attention from mom. They love it and so do I. I also know of mom’s who never leave the house without one kid in tow – their helper for the day. If it works for you, go for it. Though sometimes I must admit a trip to the grocery store ALONE is better than the spa! 😉
Yes, this is hard. And again, I only have four. I know many of you moms are blessed with more and this is more challenging. When the kids were younger I use to tuck each one in to bed at night and that was our special time together. Now that they are older and often up later than their tired mom, I have dates with each of them. I try to rotate through them one at a time on Fridays and do a mom date. Sometimes it is lunch out, sometimes it is a trip to the Walmart toy aisle, (bet ya can guess which one that is for!) but it is just an hour or so of undivided attention from mom. They love it and so do I. I also know of mom’s who never leave the house without one kid in tow – their helper for the day. If it works for you, go for it. Though sometimes I must admit a trip to the grocery store ALONE is better than the spa! 😉
Make each age special.
I think it is important that we remind our kids that each age has its privileges. To avoid the “they get to do everything” complaint, we make sure that with certain ages come special rights of passage. From something as simple as “you get to sit in the front seat now” to the special date with dad and being presented a promise ring, there is always something to look forward to.
I think it is important that we remind our kids that each age has its privileges. To avoid the “they get to do everything” complaint, we make sure that with certain ages come special rights of passage. From something as simple as “you get to sit in the front seat now” to the special date with dad and being presented a promise ring, there is always something to look forward to.
Remember their age!
Really! It is challenging to parent a wide range of ages sometimes. I know. For family movie night we have been known to watch Veggie Tales, and then after little man goes to bed, watch The Hobbit. How easy it would be to relax our rules and group them all together, but we MUST remember not to settle for ease over wise choices. Same thing goes for books, bed times, and other activities. We have seen kids grow up too fast by default because they are the youngest of several. I would urge you not to let that happen – let them be kids for as long as you can. Time will fly by without you rushing it, I promise!
Really! It is challenging to parent a wide range of ages sometimes. I know. For family movie night we have been known to watch Veggie Tales, and then after little man goes to bed, watch The Hobbit. How easy it would be to relax our rules and group them all together, but we MUST remember not to settle for ease over wise choices. Same thing goes for books, bed times, and other activities. We have seen kids grow up too fast by default because they are the youngest of several. I would urge you not to let that happen – let them be kids for as long as you can. Time will fly by without you rushing it, I promise!
Parenting through the ages – a challenging job for this momma some days for sure, but a gift that I never want to take for granted. May I always love them at the age they are at and be reminded of how blessed I am to be their mom! At any age!
Michele is a military wife of 21 years and mom to four kids, from 19 to 6 years old. She can be found at Family, Faith and Fridays blogging about family, homeschooling, modesty and life, with a few reviews thrown in for fun. When not schooling or writing, you can find her with her nose in a book, studying up on that farm life she longs to live. With internet, of course!
Beautiful post, Michele – and great advice too. Our eight kiddos span ages 2-16 and I think I feel more stretched and challenged every year with such a wide range (I try not to laugh when people say, “It must be so much easier since you have older ones to help! 🙂 ). But it’s such a blessing and brings a lot of joy to see the older ones enjoying and working w/ their younger siblings. I love your comments on love languages too – completely apart from the psychology side of it, it really is amazing how each one responds so differently to various things. Keeps us on our toes, right? 🙂 Thanks again for this post!!
Even with just one, I have to remember some of this. Excellent advice, friend. Thanks for sharing.
The second part “remember their age” really spoke to me. This is something we have had to be more mindful now that we have a 14, 16 and 18 year but also the developmentally 6 year old.