Alone time.
It’s that elusive thing that I hear so many other couples talk about enjoying with one another on a regular basis. This precious gem of time that includes only a husband and wife sounds so wonderful but with four children under the age of 8 running about all day, a tight budget that doesn’t allow for babysitters, and a work schedule that is not your average 9-5, it can be quite difficult to get those coveted moments of uninterrupted couple time.
Over the years, my husband and I have learned that we have to be very creative and often spontaneous to get these moments. They are important to maintaining our relationship outside the bounds of parenthood. Here are my tips for finding alone time with your husband when you have a large family:
1. Think Outside of the Box
“Alone time” doesn’t have to mean a lengthy date night or for your children to be shipped off to a sitter. Send the kids off to their rooms for some quiet time or let them watch a movie in Mom and Dad’s room as a special treat. Then you and your hubby can enjoy some time together while they are otherwise occupied. Children should be taught that Mom and Dad are also husband and wife and therefore their relationship with one another is also important away from the duties of mother and father.
2. Set Lower Expectations
I don’t know about you, but I often see posts from other women all over my newsfeed about elaborate date nights or weekend getaways. For many of us with more than the average amount of children, time and budgets simply do not allow for those types of excursions, at least not very often. So what’s a couple to do in the interim? Instead of fancy restaurants, why not ship the kids to the grandparent’s house for the evening and prepare a nice candlelit meal at home? Rather than a long weekend trip, how about a fun day trip to some local interesting attractions? No sitter? After the kids go to bed, dim the lights, and cuddle up on the couch together with a movie. Dates don’t have to be expensive.
3. Take Advantage of Small Moments
Are the children out in the yard happily playing? Are they off in their rooms reading? If you suddenly find yourself alone with your spouse, seize the moment! Snag a few extra cuddles, exchange some “sweet nothings,” enjoy a little canoodling! These moments may be brief and fleeting, but in the long run, little moments mean a lot.
4. Do Chores Together
Most children will willingly run at the sound of the word “chores.” Take advantage of that once and awhile and let them get away with it while you and your hubby wash the car together, do the dishes, clean out the garage, etc. It may not seem like it is quality time, but I’ve found over the years that these moments can often lead to great conversations and bonding.
5. Take a Shower or a Bath Together
Ahem. Steaminess aside, this is a prime time to catch up with one another while children are otherwise occupied. My husband and I will often discuss matters that eaves dropping little ears should not hear (Christmas gifts, anyone?) while we are cleaning up after a long day.
There are many other ways to find those quiet moments with your husband. Every family is different and your opportunities may differ from mine, but I hope that these suggestions will help you realize that even with a house full of children, you can still find time to be just husband and wife.
How do you find alone time with your husband?
This post contributed by Dusty of To the Moon and Back
I agree with lowering the expectations. You can get really frustrated when you expect elaborate dates, you just pass up on the time you have together which can be quality time spent together.
That’s a great way of thinking of it! “Passing up on the time you have together.” That is certainly true. Finding ways to enjoy the time you DO have is always key. 🙂
This is such great advice. I was constantly told to “keep date night a priority” after kids, but no one really tells you how to do that. My advice to new moms is now “data when the kids go to bed”! I have a 15 month old who is still nearly exclusively nursing, so nights out don’t really happen. But once the kids are asleep we can snuggle and watch a movie, or eat a “grown up dinner”. Once we even tired the boys (I have three under 4 years) out on a day trip, then we went to the drive in movies once they all fell asleep in the car! We have to get creative. 🙂
I have a 15 month old who is still nursing too. I totally understand! I was always told the same thing, but life can sometimes interfere with date nights. Nearly ten years in to my marriage, and date nights are few and far between, yet we are still a strong couple. 🙂 I love your drive in movie date.
We have “date night” after kids (7 under 13) are in bed. We even send the older ones to be early to read sometimes. We have special meals (lasagna after the kids have spaghetti or meals that are more expensive than we eat as a family: Chicken Cordon Swiss, steak, ribs, etc. – my husband loves his meat!) and watch a movie or play a game or sit and chat. This is more frequent (weekly?) through the winter and almost non-existent through the growing season on our farm, but on average we probably get dates every couple weeks at least – which is GREAT compared to before we started this a couple years ago. We usually commandeer a grandparent to sit for a go-to-a-restaurant date every couple or three months and annually go to our provincial homeschool conference together (5 hrs in the truck, round trip! – though things change again this year now that our oldest will attend the teen track. . . ). Flexibility and creativity are required through each change (pregnancy, breastfeeding, pregnancy, breastfeeding, lol, and soon teenagers!), but to everything there is a season and this one of little ones (in hindsight) will be a fleeting one.