This is a post from Kathy Helgemo of Mothering from Scratch
I am continually amazed at how every mom has her own story. I have been blessed by many women telling me about their mothering lives. This started long ago, before and after I had children.
It seemed that God was telling me that here was His mission field for me. I needed to get used to the need, get used to the pain, and urge them to bring their hearts to Him.
It’s the mom in the grocery store starring into space as she walks around with her newborn in the cart. Wandering aimlessly, looking for something, anything to jog her memory of what she needs.
“Good morning! Are you looking for anything? Oh, I know what you are looking for. You’re looking for a few extra minutes of sleep that you need….,” I’ll say just to have her look up. Sometimes, a smile comes over her face when she knows that empathy exists — even in the aisles of the grocery store.
It’s the mom who somehow thinks that I, of all people, have it all together and suddenly sees that I don’t. She’s relieved. Frankly, so am I. The false fantasy that other moms are just somehow more capable than us is blown out of the water. The attack on that mom’s conscience from the enemy is instantly halted. Indeed, the more we are able to expose the truth about our inadequacies in areas we know others would benefit, sets other moms free! Free indeed!
It’s the mom who confides in you about something very, very painful. The loss of a child. Addiction. Abuse. Marital problems. We have to open our arms, hearts and minds to their struggles even though we may have never been in their situation – especially if we have. Everyone knows pain.
Thankfully, Christ knows all pain. He is the answer knowing that we as moms have an advocate for our suffering. His Mother suffered, too. She provides for us a model of how strong mothers truly are. We have to be faithful to His calling to be His hands and feet when someone needs an empathetic ear.
Yes, moms have stories. The need and pain we all have in areas of our lives will never go away, but the grace and mercy of Our Lord is always there. Christ calls us to work the mission field of our fellow home missionaries and help them to help others.
Our stories will never end, thanks to the Cross. No matter where every moms story has started, what chapters they have held, they will always end in victory thanks to their Author.
I, too, have been surprised by the fact that every mom has a story. It’s usually totally different than we expect. I’ve become focused on authentic communication with other mom’s. No more artifice, the mask is killing us. I’m a mess and so are you. Let’s talk about that.
Hallelujah, Laura! I’m with you. I spent many years hiding my “mess”. I’m over it. My mess is what God uses to bring me His grace.
It is true. Sometimes I get in my judgmental head and forget that everyone is struggling with something, just like me. It is so easy to judge another person. We are all doing our very best, and some days it is better than others. Thanks for sharing. Great post!
Elizabeth, it’s so easy to be in our own little world when we ourselves are struggling. That’s actually the best time to reach out. We give — what we need.
I have worked hard over the last year to be transparent to moms around me. My life is a mess, like everyone else’s. Over the last month, my transparency has come back to bite me with gossip and judgement from people around me at an important crossroads in my husband’s life, and I am really hurt. Pray that I will be able to be completely transparent again soon, as I know how that ministers to people.
Oh Heather, I’m so sorry to hear that. Unfortunately, some folks use transparency as some sort of access to our private lives. I do pray that you will be open to trusting others again. I have had similar situations and each time, God has provided friends that are much more trusting the second, or third time around. We should also pray for those who gossip for attention. Let’s pray that they find other outlets for insecurity and that God convicts their hearts.
I remember a few years ago feeling very surprised when a fellow homeschool mom told me of the andxiety and depression her husband struggled with and the job situation time and again. I felt so alone going through all of that but when she said she was in a very similar boat it was actually very comfortin.
We all have our stories but we aren’t alone either! We have fellow moms who have similar stories and best of all we have God to help us through it all. Thanks for the great reminder!
Jacquie, that situation is SO common. Wives want desperately to help their husbands and what ends up happening is that they become a shell of a person themselves. I’m glad that mom found a confidant in you and both of you can rest assured that you are not alone.
I love listening to stories. Especially mom stories, one can learn so much and feel so connected with another human. Makes you feel less alone and not so crazy. 🙂
Brienne, my mom’s stories help me put my mothering into perspective. Their struggles are our struggles, usually. And when we know that all of us go through the same story but different times the connection is awesome. Oh yeah, and we don’t feel QUITE so crazy!
It is so true. Our stories are so beautiful.
The beauty of God’s mercy and grace in the stories I have been privileged to hear is incredible. It’s as if God speaks through mothers — through their struggles, triumphs and resolutions — to show us the value He places on us and our vocation.
Hello from the Life of Faith blog hop! I love this! It is just what I feel called to as well on my Made to Mother blog ministry, stories by moms about motherhood. Bless you!
Go Wynter, Go! They all need to be heard. We can’t have enough ministries out there for mommies! Bless you, too.
You know, I have just recently (within the past few months) come to the realization that I have a story that God has given me and that He can use it to minister to others if I let him. Just found you site today and I’m excited to look around a little. Thank you for all the encouragement!
Cat, you got it — right on the button. We have to allow Him to use it. I love the name of your site. I’m going to head over as well.
When we share our stories, it validates to other moms that we are all in this together. It helps us all feel like we are not alone. It helps us all stop over-analyzing what we are doing wrong, and makes us feel like maybe we are all doing really, really well. We are all hanging in there. Thank you for this thoughtful post!
Lauren, we aren’t alone. The enemy would like us to think so but Our Lord knows that community is what will bring us closer to Him. Thanks for visiting.
Sharing our stories is not only a great way to connect, but it is a strong counterweight against judgment. When we see how we all struggle, we want to help, and are less tempted to think we know it all. I spent the first 2 years of my daughter’s life like a zombie…she just couldn’t sleep. I felt inept and incapable, as if I were doing something wrong. Many people told me their methods, but I learned it really wasn’t about me, it was about her. She did the best she could. It was humbling, but now I am SO empathetic to Moms who are having a hard time in this area.
None of my kids slept well, either, Seana. I tried everything until I realized that it was one of those things that I really couldn’t control! Imagine that! Once I gave in and accepted that my reality isn’t going to be like someone else’s, the world looked a little better in the morning.
This is beautiful! Something that I’ve tried to teach my kids (they’re still really young) is that everyone has a story. Everyone is going through their own struggles and most of the time we have no idea what they are. We need to LOVE everyone, especially moms. 🙂
#mommymoments
Kristina, this is a principle we can teach our kids! Compassion comes from NOT knowing what is going on and still being empathetic. Thanks for that insight.
Oh, how I resonate with this! Such beautiful truth. I wrote a very candid story about what it was like for me as a first time mom. http://sevengraces.blogspot.com/2014/04/when-i-became-mamamy-messy-beautiful.html
Becoming a mama and connecting to other moms and their stories is also a reason why I blog, to share your very sentiment. Thanks for this post!
So glad to see God working through bloggers to reach moms! The connections we make with other mothers is crucial to all of our happiness in our vocation. Thanks for visiting.
This is so very true. Thank you for the reminder. So easily we judge other mom’s. If only we could see them all as “fellow home missionaries” as you called them!!
We sometimes look at others in “the mission field” and wish that we could do something that exotic for Jesus. I don’t know about you but I feel like my home can be hard to reep and sow at times. Thanks for commenting and visiting. Love, Kathy
This was so beautifully written! I struggle with trying to pretend I have it all together so I love it when other moms are real and encourage me to be as well! Thank you for linking this up at the Mommy Moments Link Up this week! You were the top viewed link so far and will be featured in next week’s link up!! Congratulations 🙂
-Faith
Wow! Thank you Faith! Yes, I’m with you — I’m tired of pretending, on any level, that I have it all together. Real is so much easier to pull off than pretend!
Isn’t it beautiful, how each of us has a story (moms or not) and that our story is powerful and a beautiful way for us to connect to others and minister.
It’s so important to share (and listen) to one another’s stories. When shared for the glory of God, wonderful things happen.
Thanks for sharing (and for linking up to the SHINE Blog Hop).
Wishing you a blessed day.
xoxo
Beautiful post 🙂 I’m glad I found your blog on the Hop this week! God bless you and your family!
Oh I’m so glad you did! Thanks for commenting.
Thanks so much for this Kathy! Thanks for sharing with HDYDI!
Wow! You’re welcome Katelyn! Thanks for visiting.
And, our stories can feel so isolating too — sometimes we feel like people don’t really want to hear our true story.
Betsy, I hear you. The ones that do hear our “real” stories are those that can usually handle our “real” selves! It’s important to seek Godly women who know what to do with our vulnerability after sharing those stories. I pray you find a few that truly empower you by listening. God bless.
Thank you so much for this post! Sometimes as moms we get so caught up with our little ones that we forget there are moms out there going through the same thing! Thank God for His grace and mercy who heals all of our pains and keeps us going in this great calling of Motherhood! God bless!