As parents, it is up to us to discipline and train our children, and to bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. Often it’s easy to get irritated when our kids behave wrong, and we have to stop what we are doing to teach and train them. Wouldn’t frustration free discipline be nice?
How do we avoid getting frustrated when we feel like ALL we ever do is discipline, correct, and train?
Be CONSISTENT
Anger is often the result of letting little things go. That inconsistency causes the kids to push the limits, and eventually we end up frustrated and angry.
It is so much better to have rules with stated consequences. Every time the rule is broken, you remind them of the rule, and the stated consequence that comes with breaking that rule. Being consistent helps you avoid the frustration that comes when you let wrong behaviors go.
Stay CALM
Consistency is the KEY to calmness when discipline is required. Each time a rule is broken, you very calmly deal with it. It doesn’t matter which child it is, or how many times they have already been disciplined that day. When they break a rule, they should know there will always be a consequence for it.
By already having a list of pre-determined consequences, you won’t over-react with the consequence, nor will you get upset. The child knows what the rules and consequences are, and you just need to calmly remind them of that.
Simply ask them what they did wrong, then remind them that because of that they have to reap the consequences for their action.
Be CLEAR in your expectations
It is only fair that our kids very clearly know what the rules are, and what you expect from them. Make sure you practice with little ones till they understand.
For example, “When Mommy tells you to come here, you need to come.” Then practice having them come when you call them.
Or when you tell them to do something, teach them how you want them to respond. “When Mom or Dad tell you to do something, you say ‘Yes Ma’m or Yes Sir’. You do not say no.”
When practicing the right behavior with them, make a big deal out of it every time they respond right. That way they will know what you are looking for, and what they should or should not do to make you happy.
Kids love to make their parents happy, so letting them know you are pleased with their right behavior is a great motivator for them.
Show COMPASSION
When your child has done wrong, be firm when you deal with them, but at the same time show compassion. Let them know that you love them, and you want them to learn to listen and obey because that makes God happy.
Ask them what they did wrong, and them kindly tell them you are sorry but now they: (fill in the consequence.) Give them a hug, tell them you love them, and that you know they will do better next time.
It’s important to always end discipline and correction with affirmation! Let them know that things are good between you and them, and you have forgiven them.
Frustration free parenting IS possible if you are willing to devote the time to consistently teach, train, and correct your kids when they’re little. The more you time you invest in the early years, the easier it will be when they are older. You WILL reap the benefits of the time you invest in disciplining them when they are young, leading them to the point where they are able to discipline themselves.
Look at discipline as an OPPORTUNITY to teach and train your kids in God’s ways, and it will take the frustration of discipline away!
Kathie
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This is great – I love your approach of teaching the child how you’d like them to respond and practicing. I have twins who are only 18 months, but I know this strategy will come in handy as they become more understanding. Thanks for sharing!
Thanks Ashley! With twins, you are going to be doing LOTS of practicing! 🙂
Danyelle,
I think all parents struggle with finding that balance! Don’t get discouraged, but just keep working on it. I also always suggest apologizing to your kids when you do respond with harshness or anger. That helps to keep the relationship strong.
Thank you for this post. I struggle with discipline. It falls from the way I was raised and I’m trying to find a balance between not allowing my kids to experience harsh parts of my raising and being way to soft