Once upon a time I was a young woman without any children. Even though I was single and childless, I just knew how I was going to raise my children. I knew what I was going to do and what I wasn’t going to do and the exact type of mother I would be to my imaginary future children. I knew how I’d discipline and how my children would behave. I knew all the answers. I would NOT be that mom with those children.
Isn’t it funny how inexperience makes you feel like an expert?
Then I actually became a parent.
Suddenly it wasn’t so easy to do all those things that I’d known I’d do so well beforehand.
Three children and a pregnancy into this parenting game, and I’ve learned a few lessons about putting my foot in my mouth and eating humble pie. I’ve learned that this parenting gig is HARD and that I certainly do not have all the answers. Sometimes I don’t have any of them.
My children did have meltdowns.
I did lose my temper.
I have had times when I simply couldn’t figure out what to do.
Moments after the birth of my first child, the floodgates of parenting opened and I began to feel the difficulty that can come while trudging forward in that ever deepening pool of unanswered questions and parental doubt.
Would I breastfeed or use formula?
Would I cloth diaper or use disposables?
Would I cosleep or put my baby in a crib?
Each step in the pool and each additional child sunk my confidence a little bit lower.
What was the “right” way to discipline my children?
What if I don’t feed them all the right foods all the time?
What if I’m being too strict? Too lenient?
What if I’m doing it ALL wrong?
Sink. Sink. Sink.
When you’re chest deep in this sludge and there are little eyes watching you, it can be very easy to just want to raise up the white flag and surrender. The sheer weight that comes from the responsibility of raising children is enough to make the strongest parent’s knees buckle. It is overwhelming and if we aren’t careful, it can be consuming. I allowed my guilt and insecurity to reign over me and I succumbed to defeat. “Why?” I asked God. “Why am I so bad at this when I want so much to be great? My kids deserve better than me.”
The important thing that I had forgotten while down there in the muck was that I was never meant to be that perfect mother I’d envisioned.
I have flaws—many of them. I can’t hide a single one of them from God and yet he still gave these children to me. He trusted me to carry them, birth them, nurture them, teach them, and train them up in the way they should go. He did this not BECAUSE of me, but IN SPITE of me.
He wants to show me how I need to hit my knees even more look to HIM to help me and guide me. He wants me to remember that when I’m weak, He is strong.
I was right that I can’t raise these three (almost four) children of mine on my own, with my own wisdom, but I can do it if I lean on the Lord to help me.
I will absolutely stumble and make mistakes, but if I turn to Him during those times, I’ll be showing my children just WHY we need a Savior–because we all fall short. Isn’t that the most important job we have as parents? To lead our children to Him?
There isn’t a parent alive that has all the answers. Raising children is far too complex for a one size fits all approach. We can remember that there IS an instruction manual though–the Bible–and if we rely on it and it’s Author, we’ll have a firm foundation.
Dusty is a stay at home mother of three who is expecting her fourth child this summer! She has been married to the love of her life for nearly 8 years and is trying to figure out her own path while devouring chocolate and leaning on the Lord. She blogs about homeschooling, homemaking, motherhood, and faith at To the Moon and Back
Dusty, thank you for sharing your heart!!
It is sometimes hard to be honest with ourselves, isn’t it? Thanks for stopping by to read!
Just so honest. Trust in the Lord with all your heart. Thank yoiu
Thank you for your kind words. 🙂
I love your blog 🙂 follow me and I’ll follow you
kiss
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What a great guest post! Thanks for your wise words!
I’m so glad you enjoyed it! Thank you for your kind words! 🙂
Thank you so much for this post! It’s very well written and I am very inspired by your words. Thank you for your advice. You are such a blessing to many. 🙂
I love this, Dusty! Such wise words for those of us who are in the trenches with you.
Fellow soldiers in the battle of motherhood! 🙂 By the way, my oldest’s name is Gabby. 🙂
I’m visiting from the Wise Woman Link-up, and I so appreciate this post! I recently blogged about The Superwoman Myth – it’s like the myth about Bigfoot, the often reported but not real creature. Thanks for sharing!
I will have to see if I can find that post. Superwoman Myth, indeed!
Great post! Thanks for sharing. I remember before I had kids…I was never going to be one of those moms that let her children have a runny nose or dirty face in public. HA! Ya right!! 🙂
lol! That is so funny! I went to the grocery store with my 2yo just yesterday only to realize once we got there that she still had chocolate smudged on her cheeks. I hadn’t even noticed prior to leaving the house!
Such a wonderful encouragement, Dusty! I also had all these expectations of the wonderful mother I was going to be. I was going to be “perfect” because after all, what’s so hard about raising a kid, right? ‘) I’d been an aunt for most of my life and I did alright, right?!
Then I had my first baby……being perfect flies out the window at about 8 a.m. when you’re exhausted with being up most of the night and frankly, you could care less if there was dust on the coffee table, the baby has her hands in the dog dish and the toddler is peeling the paper off a crayon. At least he’s not eating the CRAYON. Yet….
Thanks so much for linking up to the “Making Your Home Sing Monday” linky party! 🙂
Thank you! I live in a state of perpetual sleep deprivation with three children under 7. lol You are so right that there reaches a point where you just don’t care some days as long as everyone is alive and happy. 🙂
So true. And isn’t it wonderful that the Lord doesn’t expect us to be perfect. He knows we’ll make mistakes and do things wrong. It’s a constant battle to take it to the Lord, repent where necessary and “press on.”
Thanks for sharing,
Gail
Yes!! We learn so much once we are a mother!! Thanks for sharing this post over at WholeHearted Home.
All those moments of imperfection transpire to create this beautiful mess we call life. The fact that we can fall down time and again and still want to get up and keep trying is nothing short of a miracle! Beautiful post!
A wonderful post, Dusty. I cannot count the number of times I’ve gone to my knees and say “I cannot do this!” and God faithfully answers “No, but I can” It’s a lesson I need reminding of often.
How amazing is it that the Lord uses us imperfect vessels to raise His children?