S-E-X. An important topic for parents to discuss with their children, yet many parents are uncomfortable doing so and some even avoid it altogether. A parent’s discomfort in talking to their kids about sex often stems from their own embarrassment, upbringing, and sexual past. Many people from our generation didn’t have The Talk with their parents; even people raised in Christian homes often did not learn about the birds and bees from their loving parents.
Sex is a gift from our loving God. Children need to understand the beauty of God’s plan. But how can parents help their children understand if they are too embarrassed to have The Talk? You don’t have to be embarrassed and you don’t have to be afraid. By hiding from the topic and not being open, your kids will no doubt see it as shameful and be misled by society.
When I became a mom, I vowed that my children would not be left in the dark about sex and that I would discuss it with them openly, honestly, and instill in them the beauty and purpose of this Godly gift. Below are the three main reasons why I have never felt uneasy about discussing sex with my kids:
It’s a beautiful gift from God
Human sexuality comes from God. God created sex and He gave it to man and woman as a gift to enjoy. When we save sex for marriage and use it as God designed, that is an amazing gift we can give our spouse, and this will bring glory and honor to Him. Therefore sex is not something we should be ashamed of or embarrassed by, especially when we are discussing it with and teaching our children.
Unfortunately, today’s society has perverted this gift in so many unthinkable ways, making it seem unimportant and not special. However, that doesn’t take away the seriousness of what sex really is and what it was created for; sex is remarkably sacred and we need to raise our children understanding its nature.
Sex, between a married man and woman is holy. Talking to children in age-appropriate terms about age-appropriate aspects of sex, sexuality, and intimacy is key to their healthy, biblical views of sexuality.
I want to teach them about sex before someone else does
If we don’t teach our children about sex, someone else will. And chances are, what they learn elsewhere won’t be what we would have wanted them to learn. Even if you homeschool your children, don’t fall into the trap of thinking they won’t hear about sex from other people because they are with you a majority of the time; there is still a high probability of them hearing about sex from their peers or through the media, and most likely what they hear will be false.
As I mentioned above, today’s society has such a casual and skewed view of sex; I don’t want my children thinking that view is normal or okay. I want them to understand God’s purpose for it and to view sex as a serious and sacred union between a man, woman, and God.
The monstrosity of sexual intercourse outside of marriage is that those who indulge in it are trying to isolate one kind of union (the sexual) from all the other kinds of union which were intended to go along with it and make up the total union. – C.S. Lewis
It’s never too early to talk about sex with your children. And it’s never too late either. You can start building a spiritual foundation with children as young as three by helping them to learn about and understand the body God has blessed them with. Perhaps you child is a teenager and you haven’t yet mustered up the courage to talk with them about sex; well, it’s not too late; don’t give up the battle now. You are still their parent and a big influence on them. You still have many opportunities to talk with them and they still have many things to learn. No matter your child’s age, be sure to use age-appropriate, honest answers.
Many parents wait to discuss sex with their kids until the kids start asking them questions. Don’t wait until they start asking you questions! Beat them to the punch; start talking to them before you think they are ready because I have news for you – they are ready.
Not only are you your child’s best teacher, you are the best sex-educator for them as well – not the media, not their peers, not the school system they are in, but YOU! Parents not discussing sex with their children because they are afraid or embarrassed, I’m sure is one of Satan’s greatest victories.
My parents didn’t talk to me about it and I know first hand what can happen
Or at least I don’t remember them talking to me about it. Everything I remember learning about sex I learned in public school health class, from my older sister, from the media, or friends.
Perhaps my parents did sit down with me and have The Talk, but The Talk shouldn’t just be a one time thing, or even something only discussed a few times during your childhood. It needs to be an ongoing dialog. There shouldn’t be one big talk to teach about sex. It should be an ongoing conversation over years and years, where our kids are learning as they grow.
I wish my parents had taught me that sex is sacred and holy – a gift from God that should be saved until marriage. I don’t blame my parents for the choices I made when I was younger. I know that they were doing the best job they knew how. However, sometimes I just wonder if they, or someone, had shared with me the true meaning and purpose for sex according to the Lord, I wonder if my sexual past would be different. I ended up losing my virginity at a very young age and found myself pregnant at just 16-years-old. I don’t want that for my children.
For the Scriptures say, “The two are united into one.” But the person who is joined to the Lord is one spirit with him. Run from sexual sin! No other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does. For sexual immorality is a sin against your own body. – 1 Corinthians 6:16-18
If you are ready to start talking with your kids about sex, here are some great resources to get you started.
Also be sure to check out this FREE 3-part video training on Talking to Your Kids About Biblical Sexuality from the authors of The Talk.