How does she? How does she keep her house so clean? How does she get her children to behave so well? How does she maintain her perfect looks? How does she manage to participate in all those activities? How does she work full time and still keep up with everything? How does she always manage to succeed at everything?
This is a question I have thought many times about many people. This is a question I have asked a few times as well. This is not a question I have been asked often (I’m not sure I can even remember a single time).
You see I generally feel like a mess. So when I look around at others, I sometimes get jealous, but I mostly wonder what I am doing wrong! Why can’t I get it together like them. That’s right I fall into the comparison trap! We all know it is a dangerous place to be, but I think most of us still do it from time to time.
So today I wanted to tell everyone why I can’t do what she does and why you can’t either!
You say, I know I’m not her, but why can’t my life be like hers? Why can’t my husband act like hers? Why can’t my kids behave like hers? Why can’t my house, my wardrobe, my body look like hers? The answer is still You Are Not Her!
No matter how similar you think your life is to hers, they are not the same. She is in a completely different situation then you are! She has a different husband, she has different kids, and she has different constraints on her time.
Realizing that your life will never be like hers may seem disheartening at first. It may seem like there is no reason to even try because you can never be what you think you want to be. The truth is that realizing that your life can only be your life and should not be like hers is freeing. It frees you from desiring things that aren’t meant for you! It allows you to see your kids, your husband, your entire life for what it is and be thankful for it.
For example, I make no secret about the fact that all of my children have a strong will and a terrible ornery streak to go with it (pretty sure that came from their dad), but there are times when I look at all the little kids that are the same age and wonder why don’t mine sit still? Why can’t mine be quiet? Why won’t mine stay on track? The truth is mine aren’t those kids! My kids are energetic, independent, and overly curious. Mine can only be themselves, and at this young age they know that and don’t try to be someone else (I wish I could keep them that way for their own sake). It isn’t fair to them for me to want them to be something they aren’t. I have to look at them for their own attributes, which are pretty amazing in themselves!
Or it could be that I visit a friend’s house who has one or two kids the same ages as my oldest two. I look around and wonder how on earth they keep their house so clean. Why can’t I? What’s wrong with me? Then I remember I have a toddler running around too. Or maybe it is because they also have an older child who is able to help out more. That one extra kid makes a world of difference!
Even when I try really hard not to compare myself with others, in the back of my mind I find myself thinking I have to do this, this, and this to be successful. Then I get discouraged and find myself thinking, “I’m doing my best, but it still isn’t good enough!” That’s when I have to sit back and rely on God.
I have to stop looking around at what isn’t and rest in what is. Otherwise I miss out on a lot! Most of all I miss out on opportunities to really understand my kids, husband, and even myself because I was too busy trying to be (or trying to make them) something else. But when I take the time to think through my comparisons and why they are not fair (to me or her), I am usually able to give myself (or my kids or my husband) more grace and see the person God really made. It improves our relationships, and it affirms God’s purpose for our lives, to love others and glorify only Him.
A classic strong-willed child, Ashley, fulfilled her lifelong dream of becoming a veterinarian in 2005; only to realize a new dream had formed, having a family with her husband (another strong-willed child). After much heartache, they were blessed with two daughters and a son, who are all proving to be just as spirited as their parents! Though she is still working part-time, she fills her days off with fun activities and lots of learning with her three kids. And this is where the blog comes in. Life with Moore Babies is where she documents the activities they do and the places they go in hopes that someone might be inspired to do some “fun learning” with their kids.You can find Ashley on Facebook, Pinterest, Twitter, and Google +.