Dear Parents of Future Teenagers,
I’m sure you’ve already started hearing the comments about your precious children. “Enjoy them while they are young. Someday they will be teenagers!” You might have been led to believe that your sweet little one, who thinks you are a superhero, will one day hate you and be embarrassed to be seen with you. Perhaps you have assumed that the rebellious teen years are just a phase you have to endure, like teething babies or tantrum-throwing toddlers.
Having been a bratty teen once myself, I knew just how true the stories were. Adolescent child idolizes parent –> teen child despises parent –> adult child apologizes to parent after the birth of first child. It was while pregnant with my first child that I received something that changed my expectations. Want to know what it was?
Encouragement that there was another way!
I worked with a Godly woman who was the mother of two teenagers. We spent slow afternoons organizing the store and chatting about life. She had a wonderful relationship with her teens and she taught me that children live up to expectations. Expect mouthy, disrespectful teens and that is exactly what you will get. Why not try setting your sights on raising kind, considerate children who like hanging out with the family.
Sweet parents, I want to remind you that your children are not going to magically grow up to be delightful young adults. It takes years of hard work, starting with yourself! Children learn by example. You can make them memorize whole books of the Bible and drag them to church every time the doors open, but it is a waste of time if the fruit of the Spirit is not evident in your life.
Love … Joy … Peace … Patience … Kindness … Goodness … Faithfulness … Gentleness … Self-Control
Galatians 5:22-23
My two oldest are now 16 and 14. They are blossoming into lovely young ladies and are a blessing to our family. (My husband and I like to joke that they turned out okay in spite of us. Thank goodness for God’s grace and mercy!) Of course they are not perfect and we have to deal with the typical hormones and strong opinions, but they respect our authority and enjoy spending time with us.
A few guidelines for raising your future teen:
~Start like you want to finish. A sassy two-year old is cute. A sassy twelve-year old is not. Nip bad behavior in the bud as soon as it starts. It is important to remain consistent to avoid sending mixed messages. For example, don’t put your toddler in a bikini if you don’t want her wearing one as a teen.
~You get what you give. You are not going to get respect if you don’t give it. “Do to others as you would have them do to you.” Luke 6:31. Watch your tone of voice when talking to your child. Don’t ever intentionally embarrass him or make fun of his mistakes.
~ Be intentional. Have a vision for your future and prioritize accordingly. God and family are at the top of our list and everything else is adjusted to accommodate those two things. That means that we are actively involved with our church family and everyone serves no matter how small. In order to have room for quality family time, we have chosen to opt out of any organized activities (like little league) that require significant chunks of our life. (This is what is necessary to maintain our priorities. I am not suggesting the same for you, just urging you to make the choices that will be best for your family.)
~ It is never too late to start. Maybe your children aren’t little any more and you have decided it is a lost cause. Or perhaps your kids are grown and your past is filled with regret. No matter the situation, God can redeem it. You can change. Your children can change. Don’t be afraid to say I’m Sorry. Ask God for wisdom and forgiveness, and then forgive yourself. “Cast your burden on the Lord and He will sustain you.” Psalm 55:2
Dearest parents, I want to encourage you to expect more out of your kids as teens. Expect to enjoy them, to have fun with them, to delight in them, and to work alongside them. “Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen.” Ephesians 3:20-21
Your friend,
.
Amy loves wandering the internet in search of printable treasure. She shares her finds over at Are We There Yet?. She is a homeschooling mom of 5 with a passion for showing families how to educate their children for {almost} free! You can hang out with her on Facebook and Pinterest.